When Good Morning Really Means Goodbye

A brisk & cool morning in early February was all too familiar.

The day was off to a normal start, as mom sat in the car with tea in hand & a smile on her face. Braylon, my then 10-year-old was in the rear, & I could only imagine the exchange that was taking place between those best buds as I entered the driver’s seat to start on our way.

The Day My Life Changed Forever

An All Too Familiar Morning

A soft-spoken “good morning, Punkin” reigned from mom’s lips, as she would always say once we were in route. Only seconds later, there was a slight cough, then another, & immediately, what seemed to be a kaleidoscope of coughs would resound. It was my mother, & she was gasping for what seemed to be her last breath.

I wish it had only seemed that way, but minutes later, she would take what was her very last breath.

How could this be? She had only minutes earlier greeted me with her stern, but caring smile. It was only seconds before that she was sipping her morning tea & giving Braylon the tools he needed to make it a great day.

No! This couldn’t be happening & not that any day would be a good day for this, but please God, not today!

God, are you listening? Do you hear me?

The Best Laid Plans

Not our mama! I mean, today isn’t a good day for her to get sick. It’s my little sister’s birthday, & Mama has to be here to celebrate & take part in the plans we’d made. Her oldest son is working out of town & it would be hours before he could make it home.

God, you know her baby boy & all she’s gone through to help him battle the evil that tried to attack his life. She’s just begun to see him live the life he once knew. Wait! What’s happening here? She just told me good morning & now this doctor says, “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t save her”.

What I hear him say is “good morning really meant goodbye”.

The Meaning of Good Morning

These are the events that play over in my head as I think about the last time my mom told me good morning.

It’s the reason that every good morning from that moment on means so very much to me & is never to be taken for granted. I can’t seem to block the beginning of that day from my mind. Honestly, I don’t believe that blocking it is what I really want. If I could, I would rest in those last moments.

I would hold on to my mom & love her more than life itself. I would plead with her to hold on just a little while longer while I get myself together & she could see me get through many of the challenges that I faced in this life.

Selfish of me I know but it’s honestly what I would have done.

Time Has Passed but The Loss Still Stings

It’s been two & a half years since mom went to be with the Lord, & the details of that cool February morning are as clear as the rising sun.

Though the time has passed, the pain is very present.

She was more than my mom, she was & still is my best friend. I was & still am, very depressed. So much has changed, & so many things that I do, I know mom could do better. Our family has a strong bond, but mom was more than glue, she was the lock that couldn’t be broken. On that early Thursday morning, when mom took her last breath, our family chain lost the lock that secured our link.

Over time, I’ve learned that though the lock is gone, a broken chain is only as strong as the links that form it. I may not be the strongest link, but because of what mama instilled in me, I am far from the weakest link.

The Search for Gratitude in Loss

I have come to understand that though I feel a piercing pain, I find such comfort in knowing that Mama was spared of that earthly pain. She didn’t have to suffer, as her passing was swift & without malice. In that, I find peace & am so very thankful, because she exited this world, just as she lived in it, peacefully & with grace.

At the end of each night, when the last tear is shed, just before I fall asleep, I say good morning, because for mama, her final good morning really meant goodbye. I pray that each night is not my last, but sometimes good morning, simply means peace, until we meet again. 

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About The Author - AnjieJae

Passionate about life, family & creating engaging content!

Angela has completed studies & obtained certifications in literary & life coaching programs from SNHU (Southern New Hampshire University).

She is a professional editor & freelance writer with contributions to the fields of publishing, copywriting, brand development & web copy. Angela is the founder & proprietor of Eve Content Services & has been a professional writer & editor for eight years.

She finds her most rewarding motivation through her spiritual relationships & love for her son, Braylon.

Her strongest & biggest accomplishment in life is her acceptance of Jesus, as her ultimate provider & protector. “It is through many of life’s biggest battles that I would have been defeated but because the battle is not mine, I stand victorious in all that I face.”

To learn more about Angela, visit her blog. You can also connect with her on Instagram & twitter.