When Depression Threatened to Take Everything Away From Me, Food Saved My Life
When I started learning the piano at the local Music school back in 2006, I did not think that it would trap me in years later.
I did not feel safe going there. I cried because I did not want to go there. Before lessons I was anxious & nervous & I always found reasons not to go. On more than one occasions, I even made myself sick just to not go to the Music school.
But I could only avoid it for a week.
I did not hate playing the piano but I did hate the place. I felt like a prisoner. Claustrophobic...
I'm telling you this, because this backstory is the reason I started to feel depressed.
I Took Control of MY Mental Health & It's The Best Thing I've Ever Done
I Knew I Needed Out
So, I took the matters into my own hands & quit.
Quitting was the absolute best decision I have ever made. Despite knowing that I'd made the right decision, it did make me feel worse. I started to feel like a failure. I could not talk to anyone, I could not look at anyone. I was just in my own shell & I just want to shrink until I disappeared.
My depression got so bad I had to seek professional help.
Seeking Professional Help For My Depression
I sought the help of a therapist. I do not remember anything from those sessions. It is all a blank to me...like it never happened. It was so ineffective that I started to seek things to do to take my mind off the intense depression building inside of me.
I joined a dancing group but had to quit because of my problematic back. This only left me feeling, once again, like a failure.
Next came my painting/drawing times. I thought that maybe I might be good at drawing, painting & visual art. I tried art, only to realise I am really not. I tried & I failed which again made me feel bad.
But then I tried baking.
How Baking Saved My Life
I am glad I found baking.
Of course I could not get exactly the taste & look I wanted right from the start, but I did not feel like a failure anymore. So I cooked & I baked & I felt great.
Things were starting to look up.
I started talking more & there would be a glimmer in my eye when I talked about my journeys in the kitchen. It was something that I liked doing so much, it took my mind of what was going on inside of me.
Before I knew it, I did not feel sad anymore. I woke up happy & looked forward to the day. It had been years since I'd been able to say that.
From Depressed to World-Class Chef
Ok, I am not a World Class Chef, but in my mind I could conquer the world with my cooking. Which again, is not true, but it certainly is nice to feel like it is.
What I am trying to say is that even when you feel depressed or deep sadness, there are things what will make you feel good & happy. It could be anything. Maybe you have to go through disappointments to find the right thing for you but when you do, you will be happy that you found your thing.
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About The Author - Keitlin Rani
I'm an 18-year-old girl from a small town in Estonia.
I've been writing since I was small and feel quite interested in cooking. You just wait, one day, I will open my own restaurant.
I used to be an avid blogger, but I recently deleted it fueled by my own embarrasment. I currently don't have a blog but putting ideas together & hope to publish it within a month. It would be about cooking & the name will be The Dummy Kitchen. Keep your eye out for it!