What I Learned as an Adopted Daughter
So many adoptive parents have reached out to speak about the lessons they learned through parenting their children they were blessed with through adoption, yet I rarely find much written from the perspective of a child who had been adopted. That's the bill I fit in. As a young mother myself, I have grown up so much & my outlook on my history, specifically relating to my adoption, has changed in so many ways.
Life Through the Eyes of an Adopted Daughter
What many people don't realize is that adoption is much bigger than just your home receiving a child with a different biological code than your own. Adoption extends out & touches more than your family, but the family which your child came from. While you can find many different books & articles focusing on this, I haven't personally found much that can be relevant to an adoptee such as myself.
Feelings of Abandonment
It took several years for me to come to terms with accepting my background, where I came from, & the twists life gave me. I struggled a lot with feelings of rejection, abandonment, & resentment towards the world & my family, both adoptive & biological. For most of my life I found myself struggling with major questions as I fell into depression at a young age, constantly wondering what if things had been different? What if I hadn't been adopted? What if I had been adopted, but by a different family? What was so wrong with me that my own blood didn't want me? These daunting questions followed me for so long, & I think many adopted kids struggle with finding the answers at some point in their life.
While I will never get true closure by discovering the answers to these impossible questions, I have been able to figure out how to put them to rest by answering them with reflection on myself & my life so far. I feel like it's important for both the parents & the children in an adoptive home to look objectively at themselves, consider the differences that could have happened, & then move forward & celebrate the history that is real. Dwelling on the "what if"s in life will bring stress, not joy!
How Being Adopted Shaped My Life
For me, I find joy in reflecting on my strengths that I feel being adopted really played a part in developing, & I wouldn't trade them for the world. While I will never be able to say for sure how I would be today if some details were different somewhere on my timeline, I've grown to be confident in myself as the young woman & mother I've become!
These are the things I have learned to treasure about myself as an adopted daughter.
By nature, I'm an understanding & accepting person. I prefer to look for the good in others over trying to find the bad, & I believe that everyone is a good person in their heart. However, I feel as if I truly understand the meaning of empathy because of my adoption.
I was fortunate enough to get the chance to know & build relationships with my biological family, & though they are much different from the family that adopted me, I learned how to put myself in their shoes. Empathy has helped me become a more forgiving & understanding person.
My family has always been very open & truthful with me about my roots & everything that happened through my past. While I understand that not all adoptive parents will chose this route, I personally have found that it has encouraged me to be genuine & honest with not only myself, but my own child.
I'm grateful that my family never held back information, & I feel as if that helped me to learn a valuable lesson about honesty, especially in a family.
The desire for a family
From a young age, I've always wanted children. Maybe it was the desire to have a "blood connection" in my life actively, or maybe I was blessed enough with two families to keep wanting more & more! Either way, now that I have finally become the mother I've dreamed of being, I have such a strong love for family. I don't think I would be this way if it weren't for my adoption.
A fiercely protective nature
I've always been a strong, independent woman, but now in motherhood, that has only grown. I'm fiercely protective of my son. For so many years I endured a lot of emotional pain from both of my families, not by any fault of their own, & I've learned how important protection is. Because of my experiences, I'm now very devoted to making sure my son, & future kids, will always feel accepted & loved by me.
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Blessings have never been in short amount in my life.
I was born into a bad situation & taken out of it, placed in a better one. Because of this, so many opportunities have opened up for me, I've had many more life experiences, & I now have a beautiful family of my own. Being adopted taught me to truly appreciate the things I have been blessed with in life, & have encouraged me to always give back.
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