Tomorrow Will Be Better
Being an LGBT person today is hard, & all we see in media is the echoes of our people’s struggles & pain. My name is Bo Beaufill, I am a non-binary pansexual, & I’m here to remind you that there is hope, & that love & peace will come.
My Story & How I Know Tomorrow Will be Better
Praying For God To Take The Attraction Away
In my first years of high school, I experienced a lot of turmoil. I was in a catholic school that was very against homosexuality, & I was slowly falling in love with my best friend. Being the religious sort myself, I became desperately scared of these feelings.
I prayed every night that God would take this away from me, but nothing happened.
Eventually, I started cutting myself, trying to hurt the gay away. Depression rocked in, & even after a surprisingly supportive coming out, I fell into a suicidal mindset that had me by the throat for years.
The coming out itself was decent. My classmates were supportive despite maybe not understanding it, & my best friend’s ego shot through the roof in finding out I was in love with her, where I was scared she would shun me. Sure, I was the victim of occasional bullying, but overall, the biggest enemy I had was my brain, scarred by the thoughts that my end would mean an eternity of hellish torment.
Yeah, the threat of hell damaged me.
Getting over what was drilled into my brain was not an easy journey. Over my high school career, I attempted suicide multiple times, anxiety rocked me like a boat in an angry sea, & I never felt so alone & in the dark. High school was, by far, the most horrible time of my life. I knew, I felt it in my gut, that despite everyone telling me that I had to push through it, that high school was supposed to be the best time of your life, that there was something better for me. Two years out from graduating, I dropped out.
I haven’t looked back.
I remember one weekend shortly before making the decision to quit school, I was watching & episode of Supernatural. It had Charlie in it, the lesbian hacker played by Felicia Day. Her character was found… LARPing.
LARP was something I had never heard of before, & neither had the Winchester twins it seemed. It stands for live action role play, & can be thought of as Dungeons & Dragons, but in real life.
The camera panned over a camp ground, hundreds of people dressed up as medieval characters, & something in me clicked. As someone that had always been fascinated with fantasy, theatre, & combat, I wanted to take part in this immediately.
I paused the episode, jumped online & searched ‘LARPs near me’, & found one happening a month later in the town just above mine. I leaped on the contact information, & emailed Jared, the event organiser.
Now, I was still afraid. I hadn’t found a community before that I had been comfortable in. I decided it was best to see if this was going to work before signing up. ‘Hey,’ I said. ‘I want to play in the LARP, but I’m genderqueer, is that OK?’ Less than an hour later, which I had spent watching every video I could on the sport, I received a reply; ‘Absolutely!’
That email changed my life. I had been accepted.
The Comfort Of Acceptance
Over the next few years, I became very involved with this community, & other communities like it. I found support, love & understanding from so many people, & I found several people that could relate to me, that also identified within the LGBTQ spectrum. It filled my heart.
Slowly, over the years, I started to mend the damage that was done to my mentality. I learnt about love & acceptance & compassion, both through the worlds we created as a community, & through befriending LARPers.
Now, three years on, I am a leader within the community. I run my own games, I am part of a committee, & I am the go-to person in my area for questions & advice. As someone that thought I would be forever shunned, this is incredible.
Building A Community for a Better Tomorrow
I want everyone to know that whatever situation you may be in now, there is a place for you. It may be something very different to what I have found, it could be anything from a book club to a sport to a kink community. Whatever it is, you will find it, & you will know what it is when you find it.
There are always people out there that will take you in & make you the person you want & should be. Believe that you will find it. & remember, no matter the situation, you can find a better dawn. Also, fighting for what you believe in is better with a force of encouragement behind you.
Featured on The Essential Life
Let’s fight for the civil rights of Australian LGBTQ people together, because community is what makes us strong. Don’t give in to those that seek to bring us down, & don’t let hate fill our hearts, only hope for a better tomorrow.
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About The Author - Bo Beaufill
Bo Beaufill is a professional freelance writer & full-time geek from New Zealand.
They love fantasy worlds, geek culture, & feminism. Don’t ask them about any of those things if you have somewhere to be in the next 45 minutes.
You can find more of Bo on their facebook page where they will be announcing some new projects shortly!