The Reality of Anxiety

 

For too long, my body & mind suffered under the crippling effects of anxiety, which I foolishly labelled as stress. I soon learnt the difference between the two intense feelings after months of living with trying to put my finger on my emotions.

My Reality of Living With Anxiety

Explosive times

During my most internally explosive times, I would push on rather than giving myself time to heal. I would slog away at work, with little or no sleep the night before. I would continue with personal training in hope it would bring me mindfulness like it had in the past.

I continued to keep up with my social life, which became a source of exhaustion rather than providing the energy it used to give me. I struggled to say no to the people close to me & would head out instead of listening to my body which craved an early night, alone in bed.

I soon noticed I was becoming agitated, restless, hyper aware, unable to switch off my thoughts & my head filled with a fog my psychologist later called, ‘white noise.’ I tried to maintain the facade but knew I needed to see a psychologist to offload the tornado in my mind. I needed the swirling thoughts or glitter in the snow globe of my mind to settle & I knew that I wasn’t equipped with strategies to do this on my own.

Suffering

At this point I knew, this was more than daily stress but I didn’t know how much more.

I was devastated when I learnt what I had been going through without even realising it. I felt disappointed in myself that I had suffered unaware for so long. I soon learnt all those thoughts, tears & sad feelings were anxiety combined with depression.

I didn’t want to believe someone like me could suffer from something I knew so little about, apart from the stigma that came with these mental health issues. However, as I came to terms with the diagnosis, the symptoms began to make a lot more sense.

Growth

I’ve learnt a lot since then.

I’ve battled through the hardest times to get to the good. I’ve openly spoken about my journey with others & found they have had similar experiences. This comforted me & helped me to realise that this time of debilitating anxiety was a stepping stone to a new, more emotionally aware me.

I became more in touch with how I was feeling & feel more confident in articulating what’s going on inside my mind. There are many moments I still feel stressed & even more where I feel anxious. However, I have never felt the depths I once did & I know I never will again.

I’ve worked hard to build a life a life where I know the emotional triggers my body & mind are telling me. A life where I am not afraid to share how I feel. A life where I write poetry as a means of therapy & helping others.

Inspiration

My advice for anyone who is struggling with stress, mental illness diagnosis or feels like they are losing pieces of who they are. Take some time out for you. See someone to talk about it. Tell your loved ones. Don’t be afraid to delve into those deep, dark depths. You might just haul up that treasure chest that the universe is waiting to deliver. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR - BIANCA GARZIA

Bianca Garzia is from Melbourne, Australia. She is a self proclaimed puppy lover, with an addiction to buying chick lit.

Her poetry will take you on a journey, through dark & light, love & lust. Her poems are about raw, real life experiences described through the on point articulation of her emotions. She aims to inspire others to heal, grow & love through the difficult times life can bring and in addition, raise awareness of mental health through her words.

You can connect with Bianca & read her poetry on Facebook & Instagram.