Open Your Heart & Spice Up Your Life: Celebrate Valentine's Day With Self-Love & Aromatherapy

It’s that time of the year already that's snuck up on us. Scrambling for last-minute gift ideas or dinner reservations, people around the world are reaffirming their feelings of love in age-old chivalrous gestures. Long stem red roses, heart-shaped chocolate boxes - you know the drill. Though a wonderful opportunity to celebrate love & affection in budding romances or long-term couplehood, Valentine’s Day can downright suck if you are single or just getting out of a relationship. It’s as though everything in the world conspires against you to remind you of your singleness. And how your ex never gave you flowers, or how toxic your last relationship was, or how lonely you’ve been since you walked away to look for something better... & you’re still looking….

In truth, Valentine’s Day can be so much more than a Hallmark holiday that privileges those in pairs. Because everyone knows that love starts with you & that healthy partnership & romantic union is difficult to achieve until you’ve expanded your ideas on what love is. 

Until you've stopped looking for love as something outside of yourself & started looking for love as a feeling you maintain & cultivate throughout your every-day life. Until you start where you are and begin to act in the spirit of love by regularly connecting with your heart, checking with it & asking questions like, “What are my needs and desires?” & “What is the most loving action right now?”.

In this spirit of expanding upon love, let’s take Cupid’s arrow out of the equation all together this Valentine’s Day & focus on the heart. Whether or not your single or paired, these processes & principles outlined below will help you connect with either your own heart or the heart of another through harnessing the power of aroma & the healing powers of Essential Oils. 

The Interdependency Between Heart & Mind

Tending to your heart’s needs & desires while remaining connected to yourself is the quickest way towards affecting change in your life.

Not just an organ, the heart throughout history has been seen as a source of love, wisdom, intuition, altruism, & the extraordinary. Even though intellect & reason have been elevated as the more important human faculty throughout history, 17th-century philosopher & mathematician Blaise Pascal knew of the importance of the heart when he said: “the heart has reasons that reason cannot know.” Indeed, the important interplay between the heart & mind is an insight that has only recently been proven by science to be true. 

The Heart-Brain Connection

Discoveries in the field of neurocardiology have established that the nature of the heart is, indeed, extraordinary. It is an intelligent organ constantly communicating with the brain through multiple pathways in the body (neurologically, biochemically, biophysically, & energetically). Not only that, but the heart has its own independent nervous system which works to encode & process information in a way that is sophisticated enough for scientists to call this system a "heart brain,” a name that speaks to the primary role the heart plays in our physiological, cognitive, & emotional processes. 

According to Rollin McCarty, one of the main researchers in this field:

“… [T]he electromagnetic fields produced by the heart form a complex energetic network that connects the electromagnetic fields of the rest of the body. In doing so, the heart’s energetic field acts as a modulated carrier wave that encodes and communicates information through the entire body, from the systemic to the cellular levels, and even conveys information outside the body between individuals.”

These discoveries are so far out & beyond the ordinary that it is hard to grasp their implications. Nevertheless, it certainly elevates the practice of staying connected to your heart, along with tending to your emotional needs, heart’s desires, & placing your attention on wholesome states. This is especially true when the heart is seen as "the global coordinator in the body’s symphony of functions,” so give it the attention it deserves - even if it may be difficult. 

Be Bold - Live the Answers to the Questions You’re Asking

Connecting with your heart, knowing what you want & desire, then affirming & communicating this to either yourself or your partner is a difficult practice that involves a lot of curiosity & courage. It is also something that everyone can benefit from, no matter what your relationship status is. It can be as simple as placing your hand over your heart & being honest with yourself when asking questions like “how can I bring more love into my life?” & “what do I truly want?”. It may not be long-stemmed roses or even a traditional relationship! 

That’s okay. But to generalize here, I will assume most of us will either want to enhance sexual intimacy with our partners or make it easier to drop down into our hearts. This is where the idea of coherence comes in, a concept coming from the research being done in neurocardiology outlined above. McCarty describes coherence as "a state of energetic alignment and cooperation between heart, mind, body, & spirit. In coherence, energy is accumulated, not wasted, leaving you more energy to manifest intention & harmonious outcomes.”

How Essential Oils Can Help Bring Coherence Between Our Mind & Heart

Given the primary role our heart plays in our physiology & psychology, Essential Oils are a powerful tool in that they act as shortcuts towards achieving certain feeling states which, as we’ve mentioned, affect our whole body & the environment surrounding us.

There are many Essential Oils that have traditionally been used as aphrodisiacs to increase libido & desire, but Essential Oils that help you become more heart-felt will be deeply personal choices. For me, nothing works better than Chamomile Roman to soften my defences & open me up in places where my heart hurts (probably because nervous tension is a barrier that prevents me from connecting to myself). What Essential Oils inspire you to open your heart and make your heart sing? Scents like clary sage, lavender, jasmine, rose, neroli, or frankincense are good oils to try out. 

If sexual intimacy is what your heart desires, scents that traditionally have been used as aphrodisiacs are jasmine, musk, patchouli, sandalwood, yang-ylang, vanilla, & rose. Studies have shown that jasmine, musk, & ylang-ylang are scents that are both relaxing & stimulating. This may seem contradictory but in fact, the quality of relaxation & stimulation is one of the main secrets behind effective aphrodisiac blends.

Essential Oil Recipes for Heightened Sexual Intimacy

Try this recipe in 100 ml of a Carrier Oil of your choice & amp up the intimacy tonight through physical touch & relaxation.

In the Mood: 

  • 10 drops - Lavender Essential Oil
  • 10 drops  - Sandalwood Essential Oil
  • 2 drops - Ylang Ylang Essential Oil
  • 2 drops - Vanilla Essential Oil
  • 1 drop - Jasmine Essential Oil
  • 1 drop - Cinnamon Essential Oil

Also, pumpkin spice is a winning combination when it comes to love, even though the Christmas season has come to a close. Studies by the neurologist Alan Hirsch at the Smell & Taste Treatment Research Foundation found that there was a 40% increase in arousal when men were exposed to the smell of pumpkin pie, with women scoring a high percentage of arousal as well.

Try this blend in an ultrasonic diffuser to ignite your passion tonight.

Spice it Up:

  • 5 drops - Cinnamon Essential Oil
  • 3 drops - Ginger Essential Oil
  • 2 drops - Clove Essential Oil
  • 1 drops - Nutmeg Essential Oil
  • 1 drop - Orange Essential Oil

From all of us here at Essential Life Aromatherapy, we'd like to wish you a happy Valentine's Day full of love, whether that love is self-love & acceptance, or the love a partner.

If you have any questions or comments about using Essential Oils to improve your sex life, make yourself heard in the comments. You can also reach us via email at We would also like to invite all of our readers to make their mark on The Essential Life by becoming one of our contributors. If you would like to share your story, your words & your wisdom with The Essential Life community, & you'd like to see your articles featured here on The Essential Life website, please submit your articles here