My Experience Being Demi-Bisexual
To begin with, there are a few different types of attraction that I will be referencing: platonic, aesthetic, romantic, sensual, & sexual. For more information, click here.
Hello, internet. My name is Kelsey Blake & I am demi-bisexual. I am also panplatonic, panaesthetic, pansensual, & grey-biromantic.
My Unique Experience With Sexuality & Sexual Attraction
I have known that I’m demisexual for a good while now.
Prior to having my first romantic partner, I’d never experienced sexual attraction towards anyone. It was certainly an odd feeling when I was suddenly thinking about this boy I loved in a different way than I’d ever thought about someone before.
I once tried to explain to my mother that I was demisexual & how it was different from your standard sexualities.
I was fourteen at the time, & she tried to explain to me that because I was only fourteen, I wasn’t supposed to be feeling sexual attraction towards people yet anyway. I explained to her that I had in fact felt sexual attraction, but only towards the person who I’d had a romantic relationship with first.
I think she misunderstood me. She told me it was normal not to be attracted to people unless you were friends with them first. I gave up on trying to explain it to her after that point. Being very open about her social & romantic life, my mother later mentioned that there had been chemistry between herself & one of the men she met while socializing. I thought to myself at the time, “Yeah, that doesn’t happen to me.”
Considering My Options
I’ve always been that girl who’s been considered a bit of a tomboy. I played baseball for three years, I was highly competitive, & I hate much of women’s fashion. I never liked wearing dresses as a child & hated pink. I didn’t care about how I looked as much as I cared about being the best. I liked circuits & computers more than dolls & stuffed animals. I’m not all that easy to gross out & I’ve never had an issue being friends with boys. My preferences & personality have, from the beginning, always been considered more masculine than feminine.
I don’t think she meant any harm by it, but my mother once said that people think I’m ‘too masculine’ & that’s why I don’t get along with many people well.
I have a very dominant personality & I tend to take charge when no one else will or is doing it inefficiently. However, people seem to almost ignore or not notice my presence when I’m trying to contribute, & a common occurrence in these situations is that there are less people who are female than there are male. Even the girls seem to ignore my presence.
Were these people just not taking me seriously because I’m a girl who’s confident with her capabilities & intelligence?
So I began to think about becoming transgender.
At first, I didn’t think it would be a good idea for two reasons. First off, people would immediately judge me based on my decision to identify as male when I have the biology of a female. Second, I wasn’t sure how I would make the transition from male to female. There’s too many people who see me as female. I myself have issues with immediately assuming people identify as their biological gender.
I thought about it some more & realised that if I want people to take me seriously as well as treat women with dominant personalities exactly the same as anyone else, it would be the most sensible to stay a girl & prove by example, that women can be leaders just as effective or ineffective as their mental doppelganger of the opposite gender.
I understand it when people do choose to identify as a gender that isn’t their biological sex, but in doing so, I believe that only strengthens gender roles.
To Bi or Not to Bi
Ever since I began to realize that people’s bodies can actually be pleasant to look at, I’ve noticed & acknowledged that all genders have their perks. I’ve also always loved hugging people. Aesthetically & sensually, I’ve never cared what people’s genders were
When it comes to my attractions romantically & sexually, I’m still not one hundred percent sure where I stand.
My reasoning behind saying that I’m biromantic is that imagining myself being with a girl romantically is not a concept that brings a reaction of, “that’s kind of weird.” I’m far more likely to end up romantically attracted to someone if they are a close friend; every crush I’ve ever had was someone I grew close to, even if only for a short period of time.
Unfortunately, close friends are a rare phenomenon for me. Seeing as I’ve never had a close female friend or romantic partner, I’m still not sure if I’m actually bisexual instead of just biromantic.
As for ‘coming out’, my mother’s side of the family has always gradually learned that someone is part of the LGBT+ community. No one makes a big fuss about it or sits down & tells everyone, “hey, I’m not straight.” I haven’t flat-out told anyone yet because they’ll find out when it becomes relevant. For me, there is no ‘closet’; I simply don’t think it matters enough to warrant its own discussion unless it was already a mentioned topic.
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Standing Up for Equality & What is Right
Before I was ever aware that I was part of it, I was a strong ally of the LGBTQ+ community.
I partially destroyed my relationship with my homophobic father standing up for gay marriage because I believed & still believe that homophobia is outrageously wrong. The fact that it took the United States so long to make gay marriage legal throughout the country is outlandish.
It is a belief of some that gay marriage should have stayed a state issue. I disagree for multiple reasons, the strongest being that the root of homophobia lies in religion.
The freedom to believe or not believe in a religion is a national right in America. Those who do not believe in religions that condemn gay marriage should not have to comply with the restrictions of a religion they do not agree with, enforced by the devout followers of this religion as lawmakers & voters.
In the end, however, love will always win. That’s what really matters.
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