My Coming Out Story

Hey my name is Alicia but call me Leash. it is weird when people call me by my real name, when I hear it, I think I am in trouble. Besides Leash, people call me Batman or DOBBY. Dobby, because I am a free elf now.

The Life Changing Moment of my Coming Out

I am a big kid at heart, which my son loves.  What’s the point of being a grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes? & sometimes you need to be when life gets too serious or when you feel less equal than everyone else.

I am going to share my journey of coming out. Sometimes realising who you are takes time.  So, get comfortable with a cuppa or tea or a pizza & read about my story.

Experimenting

I had always been attracted to girls, ever since I was in primary school. Though I never told anyone about them.

I never knew what a lesbian was until I was older. I was surrounded by heterosexual couples. The first lesbian couple I ever saw was on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" when I was 13 or 14. People say now that I remind them of Willow, one half of the lesbian couple. It’s because I am quirky & awkward.  Unless they think I am a witch!

In high school, I developed crushes on girls but I didn’t know what to do about it. I was an awkward shy girl who didn’t quite understand her feelings. & boys paid me attention which helped with my low self-esteem. 

By 16, I would drink with my high school friends at parties. Drinking gave me the Dutch courage to kiss my friends whom were girls. It seemed every time we drank, we would all kiss. There was one girlfriend that I became attached to. We were sexual until her mum walked in on us. Still till this day, I am awkward around her mum.

After high school, I dated a few guys, but nothing serious. Though I was attracted to girls, I never once thought I was a lesbian.

I thought I was just experimenting.

Coming Out

A few years after high school, I met a wonderful guy. We had a lot in common & our friendship bloomed into a relationship. A few years into the relationship, I fell pregnant. At first, I didn’t believe it, I had to have five pregnancy tests until accepted I was pregnant.

Parenthood was a learning curve for both of us. But we worked well together.  After a few years, together I realized, we had a great friendship but romantically it never felt right. I couldn’t understand how I could love someone but at the same time, for it not to feel right. 

It played with my head, why wasn’t I happy?  

I had a beautiful little family & a guy who loved me.  I sank into depression & had to talk to a psychologist. After a few sessions, it dawned on me why I wasn’t happy. I was a lesbian & had always been one. I had supressed my true self.

In one sense, I felt free but I was also wrecked with guilt. I was going to break up my family & break my best friend’s heart. Telling him was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Watching the pain on his face, broke my heart. My son was too young to understand what was happening.

The next step was telling my parents. I was scared, I had heard of stories of families not accepting their gay children. & my mum hadn’t taken the news well when I told her that I was pregnant. I thought the best thing to do was to tell her in public so any reaction would be mild.

When I told her, she hugged me & told me it wasn’t a big deal. I told dad while we were drinking but he already knew. 

Being gay

I have dated, been in situationships & in relationships with a few girls. I have developed deep feelings for a girl who was scared off by the fact I had a child. & I have been involved in a polygamous relationship but that is a story for another time.

My son understands & accepts that I am a lesbian but I make sure that I am discreet about it. & only introduce him to the serious girls in my life. It is hard when he gets attached to someone & we break up. It does make me selective on who I date & how fast I take the relationship to the next level.

But all the best things are worth waiting for.

My last words, Love is love.

A Message From The Essential Life

If you have any questions, comments or thought you'd like to share about your own experience with coming to terms with your sexuality, please make yourself heard in the comments. You can also reach out to The Essential Life directly via email at info@TheEssentialLife.org

We would also like invite all of our readers to make their mark on The Essential Life by becoming one of our contributors. If you would like to share your words, you wisdom & your truth with The Essential Life community & you would like to see your articles featured here on The Essential Life website, please submit your blogs here

Featured on The Essential Life

The Essential Life

About The Author - Leash Sullivan

Leash is a massive BATMAN fan & a WHOIVAN. She is a mother of one & studying childcare. Leash loves to write songs but can’t sing apparently, cats are better singers. She also writes small stories.  Leash is also an activist for causes she believes in like Marriage Equality, Safe Schools & closing refugee detention centres.

Stalk her on Facebook or Instagram under Leash Sullivan