Learning From Life, Love & Past Relationships
‘Your relationships are just a mirror reflection of you’ & the many other twisted clichés of that saying had me delirious growing up. I wanted to understand what it truly meant, but it seemed that I had to be taken through the personal experience of many relationship hurts, before I reached the essence of the cliché.
I have confidence in believing that you too, step into a relationship with the intention of giving love & receiving love. But why do you keep getting burnt when your intentions are so pure? This is one of the many lessons that life throws at you to disentangle much like an elaborate rubik’s cube.
Trust me, once you understand & recognise the patterns, you’ll be on the path to a peaceful love with another, free of menace & hurt.
Finding Love That is Free of Pain & Hurt
The Labour of Love
For some reason I’ve always viewed relationships as homework. A good kind of homework. In times of relationship chaos, I’ve always found myself writing my thoughts down, to get them out of the spinning vortex of my overthinking mind. To find some sense of clarity. I try to figure out if I acted in a certain way because of a past painful event that’s collateral with my emotion, or if my actions are justifiable. I have this deep curiosity to know my inner self & take ownership for what’s going on in my life. Especially when I share my path with another man.
I can recall two brutal relationships in a row where I attracted the same kind of aggressive, possessive, controlling personality. It made no sense that I kept entering a new relationship only to be treated the same way.
If my relationships are a mirror of myself, then does that make me aggressive? I knew from the bottom of my heart this wasn’t true. So what the hell is this cliché all about? I had to dig deeper.
Lessons Learned Through Heartbreak
It was only after the ending of the second repeated relationship that I started to get a sense of what it meant. I know I had missed something along the way for life to put the record on repeat.
A friend had mentioned that I’m just too trusting & let men into my life too easily. That I’m all too quick to hold his hand & skip merrily down the yellow brick road while whistling a sweet tune. Of course I got defensive & said it was just my friendly personality.
Over the next few weeks, as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t shake what she had said & just happened to stumble upon a Setting stronger boundaries book in the second hand book store. How could I not buy it when the answers seemed to be falling before me?
The Importance of Personal Boundaries
From that day forward I dedicated my spare time to learning & improving this vital aspect of setting boundaries that I hadn’t even considered previously. Through the pages of this book & many more to follow, I understood how certain past events had taken shape through allowing not just men, but anyone into my space to stomp all over my heart.
That common feeling of regret from walking away from an argument, without standing up for myself dissipated over time as I found my inner voice. My own sense of worthiness emerged. & you guessed it. The next man I attracted into my life contained not one element of aggression, possession or control.
Love, Learn & Live
You see, jumping from one relationship to the next without coming up for air is like jumping from the frying pan into the coal pit. Without taking the time to traverse into the depths of your soul, & taking the valuable lessons learnt from your past relationships, means you could go a whole lifetime being hurt through attracting the same personality. You could never know the true feeling of love, without hurt, bucket loads of compromise & comparison to the devil.
Take the time out.
Invest Your Time in YOU
Every minute you dedicate to yourself will ensure you’re offering the best version of yourself to others. The tranquil relationship you find at the end of these important lessons will be a sign that you simply cannot miss. A sign that all the hard inner work has paid off. The mirror to your soul is out there. It’s worth slaying all the dragons to find that tranquility.
Featured on The Essential Life
A Message from The Essential Life
If you have anything that you would like to add to the conversation, or if you have any questions or comments, please make yourself heard in the comments - we're listening. You can also connect with The Essential Life directly by contacting us here.
We would also like to invite YOU to shape the future of The Essential Life by becoming one of our guest bloggers. If you would like to share your knowledge, or your story with The Essential Life community & you'd like to see your articles featured here on our website, please submit your articles here.
Each blogs & articles that you share on the Essential Life will be attributed to you. We also include your bio & links to your website & social media with each article that you publish on The Essential Life. In addition, The Essential Life works tirelessly to support all of our contributors by promoting you on our own social media.
Shannon Davidson has a burning desire to share the best wellness tips to lead a life that is rich & fulfilling. She has a particular interest in nutrition, holistic approaches, spiritual wellness & integrative medicine.