It Takes Two To Tango, But Only One To Soften

My shaman teacher is staring at me with a matter of fact expression on her face. She has just said the simplest yet most profound thing I've heard & I'm not sure she even knows it.

Living in Light & Love

Meanwhile, I'm deep in my own world of fear. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I've always been afraid of the dark, of the unknown, of something coming up in my life whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually that I won't have had 10+ years of training to deal with. "Woe is me" is what I'm thinking as my Shaman teacher is saying these words.

Battling Fear

The weekend has been spent with my Shaman group learning deep techniques for clearing heavy energies & entities. The word 'entity' alone gives me shivers up my spine.

Fear sets in.

I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm not that powerful. I'm afraid.

At this point in this insanely intense weekend I've doubted my own healing abilities, I've doubted the laws of nature, I've doubted history, religious texts, folklore stories of all traditions from all people of all backgrounds that have shown time & time again that the light always wins.

How in the world am I going to get through this? How am I going to help people? How am I going to get through this weekend?

Again my Shaman teacher:

"It's simple really. Stand in the light. Stand in the knowledge that you ARE the light & nothing can touch you. No evil, no darkness, no fear, no hate can harm you. The light always wins over the dark. In this same way, love always wins over fear."

I am humbled, I am in awe & I watch as the fear immediately subsides.

Discovering The Power of Love

Throughout the rest of the weekend as fear creeps in, as the hair on the back of my neck stands up, & as goosebumps of darkness appear I state over & over again: "Love always wins. The light always wins. I am light & love & nothing can harm me". I watch as, over & over again, the fear subsides & I am overcome with an overwhelming sense of calm, peace, power & love. 

Wow, love really does always win.

As we walk through life the "demons" we battle can show up in many forms. It's the annoying boss at work that micro-manages employees in a passive aggressive way, it's the challenging family member that gets on your nerves, & it's the romantic partner that knows how to push your buttons just right.

It's the emotional battles that you fight, the messages in your head that tell you "I'm not good enough", "I can't do this", or "I don't belong." It's death, rejection, loss, trauma, & heart break. It's the creepy feeling you get when you walk into a dark room. When you walk into the unknown. When you encounter fear.

But I am here to tell you it only takes one person to soften. It only takes one person to stand in the love (& I'll give you a hint as to who that person is. It's you).

It only takes one person to remain standing in the love & in the light for an entire situation, an entire room, an entire family, an entire company, an entire world full of people to begin to soften.

A client of mine recently walked through this exact practice with her mother. She has given me permission to share her story.

A Story of Softening & Living in Light & Love

Her & I had spent our session talking about this practice of softening. Of her ability to stand in her power & to stand in the knowledge that we are light & the light always wins.

She was facing some issues with her mother who spends the majority of her time in victim mode. Her homework was to have a conversation with her mother discussing some of the issues they were having. My one requirement for her: remain in a place of love.

Her mother came charging down the stairs one evening screaming at her & her sister. She thought to herself, "Well, now is as good a time as any to face this." She remained in the light & said to her mother: "Mom, we love you."

My client stayed calm & as she spoke with her mother, her mother began to soften & expressed that she was actually sad. Not angry. It just takes one person to soften. One person to stay in love to combat all kinds of fear. 

Two True Emotions

There are only two types of emotions: fear & love. Every single thought we think and emotion we feel comes from one or the other. The boss, the romantic partner, the family member- ANYONE that comes at us with ANYTHING - is battling their own demons of fear. Remember this as you are facing challenges with others.

Keeping this in mind, a situation can either happen in one of two ways:

Scenario 1: Person A comes at you with fear. You respond in fear. The emotion of fear multiples, thickens, & grows in rapid succession. Soon you & Person A are arguing, yelling, or fighting. Or maybe you & Person A are no longer speaking (especially if either party has the tendency to shut down or run away). Either outcome creates a massive wound in the relationship.

Scenario 2: Person A comes at you with fear. You immediately soften as you recognize the fear in them & say, "Person A, I love you. Let's talk about this. But I want you to know that first & foremost, I love you & I am here with you 100%." Or if the situation involves a more platonic relationship such as a boss or co-worker you might try this: "I can see where you're coming from." or "I understand. Can we talk about this?" Deliver these words with as much love & calm as you can muster. We try our best & let go of the outcome. In this way you will almost immediately see the other person soften.

Love wins the battle. Always.

Try It.

I encourage you to practice softening this week.

First, it is important to recognize that everything that happens with people stems from either love or fear. It is also important to recognize that this is also what occurs within our own self.

How to Practice Love & Softening

1. As you enter a challenging situation say to yourself: "I am love. I am light. The light & love always wins."
2. Take a deep breath & physically feel your body soften as you exhale.
3. Approach the angry, fearful person & say: "I love you. I am here with you. I am here for you." Notice how the situation entirely shifts.

I was recently in a fear tiff with my romantic partner. I couldn't quite get the words "I love you" to come out of my mouth. I was beyond angry & fear was ruling my thoughts. So I did the best I could. While he was in the shower I wrote him a note of all the reasons I was grateful for him & left it on the counter in the bathroom. After he read it the situation immediately shifted from fear to love.

So, if you can't always get the words out, try a gesture that shows your love.

The Baggage We Carry

One last parting thought here. In thinking about softening I realised that when I'm angry with someone I never not love them. The love doesn't go away just because I'm angry. It certainly doesn't go away with one fight or a few angry words.

What makes the love go away is the fear. The fear that arises because of the situation at hand & because of the baggage that we all bring to the party. My baggage makes me want to run away & shut down. That's how the love eventually goes away. So remember, when people are yelling at you, know that they still love you. It's just fear rearing its ugly head & you ALWAYS have a bigger weapon to wield: Love.

You are love

Guess what - it all is. Everything is love. Always. Remember this simple concept & watch as the fear in your life falls away.


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About The Author - Carisa Banuelos

Carisa Banuelos is a Tantra certified Reiki Master who provides Shamanic healing in the Peruvian tradition.

Carisa is a self-help expert who has dedicated her life to helping others discover a life of sustained happiness, peace, & productivity after fighting to find her own. She is the mastermind behind a deep program of self-discovery called The Foundational Self which explores functional healing through pattern re-alignment; visit The Foundational Self to learn more!

You can also visit Carisa on her website to learn more about the services she offers.