How I Went From Fur Baby to Human Baby
Since I can remember I have always been a dreamer, I sincerely believed that dreams were placed in our hearts for a destiny & purpose ... they were not there for us to fall or be disappointed.
I was focused, I was determined & I was passionate. My desire to be in Musical Theatre took me from my home in Sydney to study & perform in Melbourne & then my ultimate dream to live & work in London West End.
I Envisioned a Life Focused on My Career, but Plans Change
Dreams of Being a Performer
If you know this industry, you know it is brutal.
You can work, sweat, cry & give it everything you have but still not see any success. The competition far outweighs the jobs available & financially you are in it for the love of what you do & not the money. Yet this love was the love of my life, this was my dream & all I wanted. & my... had I worked for it.
5 years of full time training, extra classes on top of what was in the curriculum, I worked my body to look the part & be the part. I fuelled this dream with everything that I had. The idea of marriage, or worse still, having a family repulsed me. I didn’t understand that dream of so many women, being clucky or wanting a baby; in my opinion they just weighed you down & diminished your dreams.
Bright eyed & full of hope I stepped off the plane in London waiting for my dream career to be fulfilled. In so many ways I saw this. The people I met, the production company I worked for & all the creative outlets were inspiring & were pulling my heart strings to dream bigger. I had my foot in the door nothing was going to stop me from my planned out life... however the government had other plans & with a visa about to expire I was booted out of my beloved new home back for Sydney, Australia.
When One Door Closes, Another One Opens...Right?
I was depressed. I was back at square one & I just saw my dreams wilting away as the weeks & months passed. During this time of letting go of a dream - with many helpful show tunes to sing out in my grief; my beautiful fur baby entered my life.
Raising My Fur Baby
Cadbury: my gorgeous Chocolate Labrador brought rays of sunshine & lots of wet licks into my life. Somehow this lovable pup created a shift in my thinking & life changed again. I was working with an amazing studio teaching what I love, I was accepted into NIDA & the stirring of my dreams was beginning to flourish.
Cadbury was & still is my fur baby.
She is spoilt & loved on & she knows it! We enjoy many great adventures, beach days, bush walking & how sad but true my little luxury of pizza & wine night (wine for me) on a Friday night as we sat back & watched a chick flick! Life was amazing. I still was a woman on a mission, determined to dream big, stubborn to pursue what others said to give up on.
Who needed a man & a baby ...when I had a dog!
Getting Swept Off My Feet
Yet life has a way of stirring things up, in a whirl wind of light & love I was swept off my feet by a man. A man who opened & closed the car door for me, a gentleman, a man who made me laugh & would hold me when I cried. A man who had a smile that would melt your heart & his eyes that twinkled at you would bring a smile to your face. So I fell in love. I had a fairytale wedding, we started off our life in fairytale bliss & then we had to become responsible adults ... & being an adult sucks sometimes.
Now there was a house to buy, a mortgage, working hard to be financially responsible. Where was the room for that dream of mine?
Life had changed. It was still wonderful, but different to how I imagined it.
To Start a Family, Or to Not Start a Family That is The Question
The topic of babies was eventually brought up, I had my fur baby did I really want to start a family? What then would happen then to my personal dreams & aspirations? I felt a baby would be the end of me & everything that I had to aspire to ... a bit dramatic in how I was thinking perhaps ... but it was the truth. My husband & I concluded that we both love our families that we love being a part of a family & hence when we are old & grey it’s probably something that we would want.
So we made a decision & in the blink of an eye I was pregnant!
Unlike most mums to be I was not thrilled. I remember telling my husband in tears that I was pregnant & I think we were both in a bit of shock for a few weeks! Yes, this was a decision I had made & I was scared. Scared of letting go of my lifestyle & terrified I would never be able to get back on stage again. I would be a mum. I would have to cook, clean & cater to this little human.
Gone were my days of singing & dancing, farewell musicals & hello nappies!
When you are pregnant, the actual truth of labour & what life really is like as a mummy comes to light. It’s like the truth is hidden in this place of ‘everything’s great’ until you spot a baby bump & then bam! Here’s reality! The honesty shared by many mums of dreams being postponed, life turning upside down were definitely not comforting to me who is silently freaking out!
New Dreams. Or are They Nightmares?
I felt that everything that I had worked for was being stripped away from me. My body that I had worked so hard to keep thin & toned, my energy, my ability to hold in a pee & my future all slipping away. There were moments of excitement & all the cute little clothes did help make it all seem joyous but I was in this unknown place ... scared.
So my little munchkin decided he was having such a nice time in my tummy that I was induced & labour well ... that was hard & scary. Fainting & losing consciousness with the cannula. 4 hours of consistent contractions with no breaks to discover very little progress then an hour of my midwife & husband telling me lies to me about pain relief coming my way all to help me reach my goal of a natural birth.
On top of that my baby’s heart rate kept dropping.
7 intense hours later, My Little Man entered into my life & boy was it a painful entry. Yet as he was put on my chest & I saw his eyes & his little hands; my heart had a big overdose of love. I fell in love & I fell in love hard.
This love, this feeling was so new & was so unexpected. I was so fearful that I would not have this connection to my baby but I was overwhelmed with this joy, light & love around my little boy.
Life as a New Mother
Being a first time mum is hard. I don’t know what I’m doing. Yes; I’ve read books, I have apps, I read featured articles & I have a great Children’s Doctor but there is nothing that could prepare me for this new life. I didn’t expect I would be this happy, I didn’t know I would love being a mum; I was shocked that the idea of working at a job I love was terrifying.
I love being a mum ... I never thought I would say that!
Sleep deprivation is real, hormones are real, poonamis happen, being peed on is daily, I can no longer pack lightly or leave the house in 5 minutes ... but my baby sleeping in my arms, those special snuggles & tiny kisses make up for that sacrifice.
All mums are secret superheros & they kind of need to be told that daily.
To look after a baby, hold a job, keep the house clean, cook & do household chores is the work of Wonder Woman! On becoming a mum, I have entered into what I fondly call the Mummy Club. The amount of support, help, advice, grace, encouragement, understanding & laughter that comes from dear friends to strangers in the street has been bountiful, mums have each others backs! We are, as they say in High School Musical, “All In This Together’.
Fur Baby, Human Baby & Family
So I have my fur baby, Cadbury & I have My Little Man.
That fear of losing my personal dreams has gone. Instead, a new blossoming dream that expands daily has taken place. There is room to dream, there is room to love & there is room to be a mum. It all beautifully entwines itself together & for me right now ... this reality is better then any musical dream I’ve had.