The Day My Life Changed Course Forever
The day I found out that I`ll have a girl was the very happiest moment of my life. It was the very first time that I cried from happiness.
Two & a half year years later was the absolute worst day of my life.
How The Worst Day of My Life Changed Everything Forever
The Worst News I Could Ever Imagine
It was the day before the New Year`s Eve & an MRI showed that my little girl had a tumor.
From the moment that the doctor with stumbling in his voice, even stammering, uttered a difficult truth, my life changed course forever. It would be a waiting game for surgery & it felt more like I was waiting for the end of the world.
Powerless, walking like a zombie, looking through people, I was trying to figure out why this happened to my little girl.
Wee were not the only ones experiencing the worst days of their lives. My daughter was in a hospital that was full of children with the same fate & parents who were listening, but not hearing, staring but not seeing.
We were all trying to understand why. We all were praying, atheists & believers alike.
No Matter The Outcome, Nothing Will Be The Same
One evening, my husband, who was struggling with this in his own way & who felt that I was falling said "Enjoy these days, because if she survives, she`ll no longer be the same."
Hearing those words terrified me. They also inspired me to lift myself up & be present. I defined my priorities, cleaned my brain from unimportant things & even of negative people.
Going through what I was going through with my daughter, this I was the first new truth that I learned about myself: the harsh truth did not kill me, but it gave me the energy that has a junkie in the minutes after taking a dose & the calmness & composure of Buddhist monks.
I also learned that I am better equipped to endure these things if there are only only a few people are around me. Throughout this entire ordeal, I wanted only my closest family & two or three friends.
Before that, I used to be a friendly, witty young woman, surrounded by too many ”friends”. The truth is that I previously had a tremendous need to be surrounded with many people. The background of that need could be a theme of some other story.
Suddenly that changed. Some of my friends took good care of me throughout the entire process. It was like they were so in tune with me they could feel the moment I needed them, whether it was just to talk, or if I needed help.
I made new friends with other people in the hospital. We could understand & support each other. Some of them are my dearest friends now. Our childrens' illnesses are no longer our only common interest.
Finding Out Who My Really Friends Are
Some “friends“ just disappeared & I didn’t care. But one of my so-called friends made me really disappointed.
I used to believe that she was my friend. She hadn’t phone me for three years after the moment she found out my girl’s diagnosis. I considered her a friend, & it was her support I needed. I considered her to be a person who carried the most empathy & understanding for others. It turned out that for many years I was mistaken.
After calling & calling, she answered after three years. When the hardest part of my struggle was over.
My daughter survived. She has gone on to become a talented mathematician. I've never told my friend anything to show how much I was disappointed. But somehow I’m sure that she feels it. She has never tried to provide an explanation of her own behaviour.
Since the whole ordeal, I overcame some things in my life, strengthened my character, revised priorities & I have no longer any need to blame or justify myself or others.
About The Author - Violeta Vlaski
Violeta Vlaski is a teacher & translator. She`s been working as a Russian language teacher inthe Seventh Belgrade High School & translator for 15 years . Recently she has started to write as a freelancer.
She graduated Slavic Studies at the University of Belgrade at the Faculty of Philology on 1993. The major were Russian language& Russian literature.
She published two news articles so far in English that can be seen here.
She lives in Belgrade, Serbia.
To learn more about Violeta, please connect with her on LinkedIn.